Why the commonest things said to you about grief are actually the worst.

What is it that everyone says to you?

  • You’ll never get over it
  • It’ll just take time

These two things were said to me, and I’ve discovered, said to others too. They’re not helpful though, because they’re not true. Here’s why:

‘You’ll never get over it’ – death of a loved one is not something you ‘get over’. You can’t get over it. It’s about taking a journey and travelling through the impact of the death on your life. It’s not like a big boulder in the middle of your road that you need to clamber over or go round. This particular boulder needs to be walked through.

And if you think you can’t walk through a boulder, well, you can when it’s called death.  The resources on this site will help you, particularly my book Gifted By Grief, the story of my own journey through the boulder that erupted on my path when my husband died.

Reflection Time‘It just takes time’

There is some truth in this, but to be honest it takes a lot less time than most people realise. The reason grief can often keep you stuck is because in Western culture it’s somehow not OK to grieve.

This is not the same in all countries, but generally speaking in the West there is shame attached to grief. Not initially, that’s usually accepted as OK, but is it still OK a year on to feel dreadful?  Everyone else has got on with their own lives, and yours is not getting on very well, or so it seems when other appear to expect you to also get on with your life.

But a year on and you may easily still be having moments of pointlessness, not wanting to do away with yourself, but not wanting to live either.  Hopefully, in between these you will also be having moments of pleasure, happiness and joy. If not, then please – reach out. Contact me; join one of my groups or speak to me individually. You do not have to go through this alone.  There is love and support available for you.

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